metal heart

i'm utterly miserable tonight. i promised myself i would change, that when it comes to this, i would not become this person. but i slowly am and emotions slowly take charge. i feel too lonely. i think watching the oc brings the worst out in me.

so it's our second day in beijing, and i'm feeling the exhaustion. 7am wake ups are the devil.
arrive in at about 7am then headed for the hostel (which rules), hired some bikes for 10 yuan/AUD2.50 and rode around. got lost, found our way back then went and saw dj shadow at a club called angel.
pretty hectic first night, followed by a 7am wake up to get ready to walk to the great wall.
2 hour bus ride later, we met up with a little tour guide we liked to call 'sherpa shepherd/smeagol', who never EVER got tired. we climbed up the mountain and along the bit of the wall that was totally deserted, no tourists to be seen, no reconstruction of the wall at all. it was amazing.
++++++ i saw snow for the very first time ever! woop woop woop.
then we went to a shaolin kung fu performance, very tourist-directed but a great show nonethless.
boxhead decided to get drunk afterwards but i went and got some well-deserved sleep.
now i'm just waiting for him so we can get on a bus for an hour and a half and visit the summer palace.

action packed!

photo of my new haircut {i'll put a better one up later}

oh luna, you crazy bitch.

so it's day 5 in shanghai, just thought i'd write down online how much ulcers fucking suck.
starting to enjoy myself a little bit more, but have mainly been jotting my thoughts down in my moleskine.
might scan some random doodles from it to chuck in here.
we're going to somewhere sometime soon. don't really know where. apparently it's close to wilderness so we get to see wildlife and the such.
not very interested in it. hope i don't get eaten alive. just want to finish the book i'm reading.

i wish i could apologise to everyone i'm on holidays with regarding my blase attitude to this whole holiday. it just came at a time when i wasn't as keen to go on it as i thought. didn't have a special boy in my life when it was organised, didn't regard three weeks away with 4 days away prior in hamilton island as a long vacation until i was actually on it.
what i guess i'm trying to say is that i want to go home. mad raging homesickness. but the next two weeks will more than likely whizz which will be appreciated.

photos from hamilton island will be put up as well.

all i have for now is a dodgy picture of me from my phone {showing possibly the greatest hoodie known to man. a cat with one blue eye and one brown}

i think i might get out the journal at the end of the trip and update my blog. for my sake.

all my love and a thousand kisses to my sweethearts i haven't seen in so long. i am slowly losing my mind.

deserving

kate, you will probably not remember much about tonight. so just to recap:
all week you have been whinging about feeling 'sooooo ill' and that you think it would be a wise decision to take it easy on the alcohol.
then, on a tuesday night, you get wasted and start talking to me on msn.
naturally, i get angry and i told you off.
this is what i said:

Kate said:

no
Kate said:
no
Kate said:
come party
Kate said:
where's my xbox
stephanie said:
kate im not talking to you when youre drunk
stephanie said:
you complain about being sick and that you think you should go easy
stephanie said:
then you get wasted
stephanie said:
im a little bit over it
stephanie said:
i'll talk to you when i get back

you really need to start looking after yourself! and if you're not going to, then you're going to be suffering the consequences permanently. and i'm not going to listen to you complain about them anymore.

BUT
this is the best bit.
just so you know i'm not too angry at you cos i think i made myself out to be pretty gnarly mad:

Kate said:
I LOVE BEING DRUNK
Kate said:
I LIVE FOR BEING DRUNL
Kate said:
DRUNK EVEN
Kate said:
PS IM REALLY HORNY I THINK ILL GO WATCH PORN

love you.
hope the porn was good.


{a cover i was working on for a half imaginary magazine}

shining violence

i found out that my grandma in china died this morning and i always find it so hard to console my parents when they need it. i never know the right thing to say or do to make them feel any better, and i can't stand seeing my mum upset. it's the worst feeling.
she was the last of my grandparents to pass, and it's almost as if it marks the next generation of death to sweep. this idea has been haunting me and i feel as if i am more upset about that than anything.
i wasn't as close to my grandma in china as i was to my grandma in australia so i don't feel as distraught as i did when my nana died a couple of years ago. and for some strange reason, i almost feel guilty for not.
my mum's flying out tomorrow and i have a feeling next week is going to be very weird.
this is the fifth death that i know of that has happened in the past three days and i'm feeling so shocked by life at the moment.

urgh. too heavy.

here is the best message i have gotten all day:
"holy shit the sketchiest dude just came in. he came behind the counter and then asked me where people get changed in the store. and then he asked me if i could measure him and he started taking his clothes off. wtf."

skinhead! skinhead!

watching harry potter in bed. what a nerd.
i worked my first 12 hour shift today and i'm ready to chop my legs off to stop the pain. such a work out!
i'm pretty excited for tomorrow.
mariokart dates, powerhouse museum, OMG TOTS PLAYING LETS GO JUNGLE!!!!
yayyyy chinatown, you always deliver!

and this is for my darling nina: i think you should move to queensland. it's going to be bad for us that you leave behind (like, really bad) but the opportunity is such a good one at this stage of your life! take everything that life throws at you!

then come back quickly.


i need a haircut.
someone come at me with a razor.

jagxoff vol. I

boxhead and i are babysitting tonight and after we put my brother to bed we decided to smoke a little which made us giggle a little which made us hungry a little...which also made us steal my stepdads television out of his room into mine....and the dvd player from the living room as well.
so i think we are doing pretty well for ourselves.
my room is now my den.

{a drawing im working on...}

all the while, benjamin is currently burning the 7th dvd of porn from his computer.